I took the last two weeks off. I really needed time to deal with some heavy emotions and feelings. For you see, August is a tough month for me. Some real highs and lows associated to two very important dates in August: my wedding anniversary and the birthday of my second child.
This year would have been my youngest daughter’s fourth birthday. I was pregnant along with two of my friends from church. Sometimes, I find it hard for me to be around their daughters (or anyone for that fact) during August.
I see how their girls have grown and changed. I wonder to myself how my daughter would look now, how she would react or what would her dynamic be between her older sister and her younger brother.
I think this year I’ve fared a lot better than all the other previous years following her passing.
I read an article about the mourning process. The article stated mourning the loss of a significant other can take up to three years. Anyone who has ever lost a child knows the difficulty of outliving their son or daughter. It is debilitating. It brings on tons of emotions and an unspeakable anger.
So many questions:
How can this happen? Why is this happening? In the grand screen scheme of things is there really a God?
Those questions have come up and I’ve had to deal with them. I am person who believes in God. I know not everyone does but I feel it is in the darkest hours, the darkest moments of life that God is there. I felt indescribable sense of peace.
I read Paul Ekman’s “Emotions Revealed.” During his research in Papa New Guinea, he talked to the villagers about sadness and the recurring theme was the loss of a child. After reading that and I was like, okay I’m not alone. When I started talking to a few family members and new friends, I found out some had lost a child. I felt relief. Knowing I was not the only one really truly helped me to get through.
The feeling of loss never really goes away. I’m not the same person I was before I lost her. I said all that to say time does help to heal wounds. For me God has truly been on my side to help me do my through my darkest hours. I realize everyone deals with pain in their own way but the bottom line is you have to deal with it no matter what.
I wanted to share this account with you to encourage you to hold on for one more day. I figure if you can see someone come out of tragedy, it would invigorate you to keep going. Whether the pain is physical, psychological, emotional, or any other type of pain – be determined to get through it one day at a time. Before you know it, the sting will subside and you’ll be able to smile again.
Alright good people I want to hear from you. I want to know your story because you never know how inspiring your story is until you tell it.
P.S. This too shall pass.
P.S. S. Don’t forget to share this post with all you know: facebook, twitter, pinterest, etc.